(In)fertile Myrtle

I have been debating on starting a blog about my struggles with infertility for some time. It is not something that I keep to myself, but being forced to write about the daily highs and lows that go along with this all-consuming challenge seemed daunting. However, I have come to a point in my quest where writing about it might be my only refuge. Although I remain hopeful, there are many dark days along this road. I am hoping this blog will give me the forum that I have always depended on for clarity and relief…writing. Here I will detail my doctor’s appointments, conception strategies, and feelings as I continue waiting for a child.

My journey thus far is a long one. It begins with the birth of my first child, Samantha, in 1991. I was 17 years old. The pregnancy was perfect. She was perfect, weighing in at 8 lbs, 12 oz. Unfortunately, she was murdered by her father when she was three and a half months old. I plan to blog about this time period on a slow day, but for the moment, I want to include this tragic time in my life because I began my quest to have another child then. But from that point on, conceiving and carrying a child to term was incredibly difficult.

After remarrying, my second husband and I conceived our son, Nicholas, who was born at 24 weeks gestation. He had implanted too low in my uterus, and by the fifth month, we knew that it was a full placenta previa, which means that the placenta was completely covering my cervix. As is common with complete previas, as my uterus grew with Nicholas, the placenta tore away from the wall of my uterus, and eventually, blood clots formed under the placenta. On March 5, 2001, Nicholas was born through emergency C-section after I nearly blee\d to death from a placental abruption. He lived for only one week. His complications were severe. (More on my sweet boy later.)

Following Nicholas’ birth, I got pregnant two more times. The first time was an ectopic pregnancy (conceived with clomid) and the second time was a blighted ovum (conceived through low carb dieting). It has been three and a half years since I was pregnant last.

Not long after a house fire, which killed my six cats, my second husband and I divorced. I began dating my college boyfriend, and we were married just this past August. We began trying to conceive in September 2009.

Today, I am on my sixth round of Femara. I just ovulated two days ago, so the jury is still out on this cycle, which is my 53rd recorded cycle. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which makes it even harder at 36 years of age to get pregnant.

Welcome to my blog. I hope that inscribing this journey in a public forum will help others and me as I stumble along on this path to bringing a healthy child home.